I 
Pete:
Which do you prefer, my dear:
Drinking whisky or some beer?
Fred: 
What's the question? What's the matter?
Pour me both, the more - the better.


            II
Pete:
What do you think about Mary?
I love this girl and want to marry.
Fred:
Congratulations! Great idea!
That's very wise of you, my dear.
Your choice is good, but do you know,
That she's been married long ago?
She has a child, expects another.
You can become a happy father.
Pete:
How do you know Mary's life?
Fred:
Oh, dear friend, she was my wife.

            III
  DIALOGUE IN THE KITCHEN
                
Pete:
What are you cooking, dear Jane?
Oh, Hell! The fried eggs again.
When will you do a little break?
I have a chronic stomachache.
Jane:
My darling, eggs are very good.
Pete:
I don't like them! I hate this food!
I can not eat it every day,
Immediately take away!
Jane:
What do you want, my poor Pete?
Pete:
I wish some fish! I need some meat!
I'll better die of hunger than
I'll cluck and cackle like a hen!
Jane:
Oh, Pete, for what this hunger-strike?
I'll change your breakfast, if you like.
Sunny-side-up is bad, you said?
Well, I'll make tea for you instead.

            IV
        A PHONE CALL
Lucy:
Hello, Darlene. Here's Lucy.
I'd like to come to you and see.
Darlene:
Hello, Lucy. It's great idea!
I'm always glad to see you, dear.
I wonder if you have a news?
Lucy:
Oh, yes, of course, it's very juice.
I saw yesterday your Pete
With a woman near Baker-Street.
There is a night-bar with strip-tease.
I think, you know, what is this.
They went away both rather late.
They are in love, I am afraid.
Darlene:
It sounds strange, because Pete said,
That he was at a plant instead.
But what did you do in this bar?
I'm sure, it's from here far.
Lucy:
I can explain it, if you need -
I always meet there with your Pete.


            V
Pete:
Is your salary enough
To buy a car?
Fred:
Oh, Pete, don't laugh!
I am a lecturer, my friend,
And you can easily understand
It takes me rather long to get
This sum of money...
Pete:
Very bad!
And I can get it in a summer
Fred:
But what's your job?
Pete:
I am a plumber.


            VI
Fred:
Why do you eat so much, my friend?
You always have a food at hand.
You have two dinners every day
One after the other, by the way.
Lunch, breakfast, supper, five-o-clock...
For normal man it could be shock.
You never miss a chance to eat.
Your appetite's excessive, Pete.
Your height is less, than your breadth,
You don't take care of your health.
You chew something without break.
That will lead you to stomachache.
You spend of food all your money
And at the end you will feel funny.
You look like a barrel - fat and thick,
You'd better hunger twice a week.
Come to your senses, dear Pete,
Forget a butter, sugar, meat...
Pete:
What do you want, my dear friend?
What's happened? I can't understand.
I have to slim? You are quite right.
I go on diets every night.


            VII
Fred:
My friend, I wonder if your wife
Is a great support of your life?
Pete:
You are quite right, my dear friend.
I always can lean on her hand.
When I am drunk, you hear, Fred,
My wife helps me to go to bed.


            VIII
Jane:
My darling, can I eat this cream?
You always say, that I've to slim.
But look at Mary, she'll burst soon
And she eats cream with a table-spoon.
Fred:
Oh, Jane, you can taste any dish,
You can eat everything you wish.
I don't mind how much you eat.
This dinner will be bought by Pete.


            IX
Fred:
Oh, Pete, a tongue of your wife
Is long and sharp, as a Finnish knife.
Pete: 
What do you mean by that, my friend?
Fred:
I helped Mary last weekend.
Now she says to everybody -
I tried to flirt with her! Oh, Lordy!
Jane can be also in the know -
To go home or not to go?
Pete:
What was your helpness? Answer, Fred.
Fred:
I helped her to make the bed.



            X
        IN THE CAFE
Fred:
What do you recommend to eat?
I'm hungry now a little bit.
Waiter:
With pleasure, mister, would you like
To start your lunch with a smoked pike?
An oxtail soup, a roasted goose,
A salad, fruits and orange juice.
I can suggest you a mutton-chop...
Fred:
That will do! Thank you! Will you stop?
I wish a bottle of  vodka straight,
Two cucumbers, as sure as fate.
A piece of herring would be nice
And brown bread - a little slice.
Waiter:
We have not vodka, wine and shrub.
It's a cafe, but not a pub!
You'd better quickly go away!
Fred:
But I've my holiday to-day!
And I dislike your orange juice.
I want to drink a glass of booze!
Waiter:
But you can get a lot of them.
Come here after two p.m.


            XI
Fred:
Why did you mar my marriage, Pete?
I'm very cross with you, indeed.
Can you explain me what's the row?
Jane was my bride a week ago
And now she is your wife...
So far I can not come to life.
Pete:
You are quite guilty of your fate.
Why did you come at church so late?
Your Jane was tired to wait for you,
And she began to find a new.
I came on time, my poor friend,
And I got married in the end.
And we are happy, by the way.
"First came - first served!" - as people say.


            XII
    PLANNING A PICNIC 
Pete:
Oh, darling, we can have a ride
And have a picnic outside.
Jane: 
My dear Pete, it's up to you.
I also like to barbecue.
Pete: 
Jane, let's invite Darlene and Fred
If you don't mind...
Jane:
No, I am glad.
They both are merry, by the way.
We'll have a lovely holiday.
Pete:
We have to buy some booze, some meat...
What do we, darling, some more need?
Jane: 
But Pete, I've not a proper dress,
My clothes are quite fashionless.
Darlene is always speak and span
And she can lure every man.
Why do you look as a newborn?
I have just nothing to put on!
Pete:
But your orange jacket, love?
I think, it fits you as a glove.
Add corduroys or jeans to it
That's very nice and cosy...
Jane:
Pete!
You'll kill me soon without a knife.
You know nothing in this life.
You have to think, what do you mean.
Remember gossipy Darlene,
Remember her damnific tongue.
One word - and nothing to be done!
Next day all neighbourhoods will talk
My clothes over, laugh and mock.
Pete:
But what's about grey pantsuit?
It can, I'm sure, rather suit.
Jane:
Oh, Pete, you can drive to a cry!
It was in fashion last July.
 Pete:
The printed skirt and dotted blouse?..
Jane:
You'd better close your mouth.
I can not wear this old stuff,
I hate to be a cause to laugh.
Instead of buying booze and meat
We'd better buy new dresses, Pete.
Pete: 
The picnic costs too much to-day,
Let's eat at home, Jane?
Jane:
Okay!